SCORE CONFIDENCE
Did you know that darkness isn’t real?
Wait, I can already hear you arguing with me. But think about this: if I asked you to
bring me some darkness what would you do?
You see, darkness is really the absence of light; it has no reality in and of itself. This
is an important idea.
Let’s say you’re in a room with absolutely no light; how much light would it take to
destroy the perfect dark?
Any amount of light would, even one single match.
What does this have to do with confidence?
What if we can think of our insecurities as having no intrinsic reality, just as
darkness has no inherent reality except as an absence of light. Shine a light of
confidence into the stultifying darkness and your insecurities lose their power over
you. The more light you shine, the more your insecurities are diminished.
Buddhists describe the mind as a mirror: a mirror, like the mind, reflects everything
around it, but over time, dust accumulates on the mirror which distorts what is
reflected. This is why Buddhists think it is important to always be “polishing the
mirror,” so as to maintain clarity of mind, free of distortions.
I’m going to go one step further: I’ve come to believe that we’re born innately
confident. Not some level of confident, just simply confident, completely free of
shame and fear.
When you think about it, the idea that we develop confidence is ridiculous. That’s
like saying we learn to be alive or learn to grow hair. I believe we’re all intrinsically
confident, and we learn to feel insecure. We all have dust on our mirrors and a few
foot prints too.
Insecurities are like thousands of distracting little voices that destroy our natural
state of confidence and peace. It is a mistake to conclude “I just need to develop my
confidence,” because you are basically saying your insecurities have an antecedent
reality to your innate confidence.
Confidence isn’t a muscle you can build; it’s not something you’re missing, and it’s
not something someone else can give to you or take from you. You always have it;
it’s always there, and it’s never going away. The real problem is that insecurities are
distracting us from appreciating the power of our intrinsic state of confidence.
Our job as men is to learn how to get rid of disempowering voices that are inhibiting
our intrinsic calm and initiative. Our goal isn’t to build confidence, because we
already have it. Our goal is to remove the negative, disempowering voices that
distract and hinder us, in order to regain control of ourselves and our destinies.
Remember the old saying, “You get more of what you focus on?”
What you think about gets your attention; what gets your attention gains influence
over you. It’s time to be aware about how we’re allowing ourselves to be influenced.
Remember when you bought your first car? For argument’s sake, it was a Honda
Accord. Then for the next month, all you noticed on the streets were other Honda
Accords. This isn’t because everyone in your town suddenly ran out and bought
Honda Accords; it’s because your mind was on your new car, and your attention was
suddenly focused on Honda Accords.
If our focus is on having more confidence, then we’re wasting time and energy on a
misguided goal.
Instead, I propose the following:
1. Stop resisting your insecurities as if they have more power and reality
than your confidence; if you try and fight against them, you are only
empowering them.
2. Insecurities are like dirt on your mirror. If you’re filtering your reality
through dirt, then all you’re going see in life is dirt. Acknowledge the
insecurity and separate it from yourself. This is polishing your mirror.
3. Identify with your intrinsic confidence and show it.
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